We focus too much on "having fun" living life because we can
but life is a gift, we aren't to waste it.
But i dont want to live mundanely either.
i dont want to look back &say "i should have..."
take risks, but dont do something you're going to later regret. perhaps that will be my motto for this new incoming school year.


also, i want to live BODLY
for Christ
stand on my own two feet with him as my foundation
and not hide behind a false christian persona
i want to be real
genuine
and bold.

these adorable ladies were sitting down in front of starbucks having the most in depth conversation.
reminded me of my closest girl friends &the way we talk

this  just goes to show that life goes on.
no matter your age.
keep living.

Too much, too fast

feel free to read while listening to....

http://youtu.be/dx7sLNyIeQk

I thought, I saw you today
My heart did flips like balance beam tricks
And then it dropped to my toes
My hands started to sweat
And my head felt as though it was being squeezed like Florida oranges
Then, I realized
I haven’t forgiven you but sometimes I miss you
And I hate them both
Walking contradiction

I wish I didn’t give so much of my heart to you
You weren’t ready
And I wasn’t ready to give it
But in the heat of the moments
That played so sweetly and real
I let everything go

I would blame myself for all of this
But it’s only partially the result of my own destruction
I thought that this was different
And from the beginning I knew you were different
I just didn’t know it would be in regards to how we’d end up

Too much, too fast

So many words of wisdom
So many whispers telling me to turn away
But I couldn’t
My heart wouldn’t let me
My soul wouldn’t have it
You wouldn’t allow it
And at times I felt incomplete anyway
Without your goodnight texts
Or our random conversations
Viewed from two different sides of the world
And your smile
The boyish smile that became the sun to my sky
They call it sappy, but only a handful know
That’s how it really feels

Emotional roller coaster at its highest extreme
Turning tables back and forth because we were never on the same page to begin with
Just in the same book

And I thought by now,
It wouldn’t hurt
That tears would not fall when I wrote about it
Or looked at pictures
Of that way you would look at me
Even though sometimes I wasn’t aware
Poetry put to garage band beats
And voice mails made into ringtones

Too much, too fast
On repeat, Turning Tables as my anthem
Even though it’s all too late because I’ve already gave it to you
And I know that instead the worst of it all created the best of me

See, The misconception is that the physical aspects of a relationship is the glue
But it’s just that, a misconception
You can give yourself completely and totally to a person
Emotionally
Mentally
Almost spiritually
And that can be what breaks you

Not one kissed exchanged
Barely touching fingertips and yet it feels as though an entire hole was cut out of my red and fleshy heart
Now I can feel when wind runs through
And tears fall from it

Too much, too fast

Adele sings the open wounds into slow healing
But the bitter memories of once was still haunts me
It lies with me as my lights turn off and my day has ended
It follows me as I walk through high school hallways
And it stains in the depths of my insides

It was just Too much, too fast
And instead of blinded by my own yearning for something different
I just cant
And I won't let you close enough to hurt me

Because I just cant go through that again
My entire being churned and pressed like the very breath had been knocked from inside of me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

So when my heart flips like acrobatics on balancing beams
My hands won’t sweat because


Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

Warfare.

I know a lot of people "freak out" or get akward around "spiritual" or "religious" talks.
however, this is my blog...feel free not to read.

Theres just been so much around me, especially around the women i know and love.
alot of vulnerability, confusion when it comes to worth and the defining of it.
i dont know how to explain it all
but its heavy
i feel it in my heart, my stomach, my shoulders
its almost sickening
there is a spiritual battle going on with the women i know, which says alot because these are strong, wise women&young ladies who have hearts and desires to grow closer to Christ
and the enemy is not happy.

its terrifying &reassuring almost
dont get me wrong, nothing is reassuring about trials
but through these trials we get to a point where we grow closer to God
and also grow closer to the men and women we are called to be in this world
there is alot going on
and i feel as though sometimes i'm taken out of all thats happening when i get to APU
its like my own little paradise, my vacation away from home

Father, whatever it is thats going on
bring peace and reassurance Lord
Amen.

1styear.

I wouldn’t take back not anything that happened this year.
At first it was really challenging. i struggled with being alone, feeling like an outsider in my own room and worst of all HAVING NO FRIENDS!
my RA said, that i overcame a lot of hard things &now that i look back, i realize that i did
But all of it made me a stronger person, and draw closer to this woman God is calling me to be.
I met so many wonderful people i was SO BLESSED to meet
i had lots of conversations that i would never take back&always remember.
i learned so much and (suprisingly) was excited to learn it all!
not only academically
but spiritually, also personally about myself and others…it was scary and yet so beneficial
I literally could go on &on, but then it would turn into my book “ARIE’S FIRST YEAR!” lol
It all just feels like one really big memory, literally the best time of my life.
It was hard financially, but i tell people all the time
i dont even worry about being in debt.
this is where i know God wants me, and he will provide as long as he sees fit.
i dont want to be anywhere else.
i loved my first year of college.
every minute of it
and now i’m home.
 theres a little bit of irritation, i didnt think being back at home would be difficult as my mom would say
"your not at college anymore"

its a great feeling though, to be able to say
i finished my first year of college :))
i’m on summer vacation.
&i return back to school in earlier august to start my orientation leader training.
with every bump in the road, there’s a blessing at the end of it!

beauty rant.

before reading....feel free to click this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w8uM-H6_jg

& listen while reading :)

Has beauty become a concept of empty mindedness?
Where has the depth in the meaning of beauty disappeared?
Whenever the word slips into the corners of the mind the idea relating to the richness of the color of a red rose or the way a sunset looks painted on even a canvas is not what appears
Instead how skinny is she
She’s too big
He’s not big enough
Her eyes aren’t wide enough
Her nose stretches too far
Her hips are massive
What about the size of her heart or the thickness of her intelligence
Does that satisfy your sick idea of beauty?
Tuck this
Cut that
Hide those and show all of this, that and those
We might, as be saying tuck away your intelligence
Cut out all of your values
Hide your true colors
Only show what little of your appearance that’s beautiful according our distorted mindsets

Kiss classy goodbye
Because now classy is trashy which is a contradiction if I don’t know what is
Thin is in but not too thin because then you’re sick
Thick is out unless its in certain places then your okay, you can stay

What about being fearfully and wonderfully made
What’s that?
Similarities are great but it’s the flaws that make you different
Its what you hide, fear and sometimes disgust that makes you unique
So strut what your mama gave you but don’t make her wanna slap it back
Your smile can be your best makeup
Please take mental note of that

And then there’s me
Never been skinny and I don’t think its gonna happen
Had to tell myself fingers down throats are not miracle workers they are tools to your own destruction
And the mirror only breaks because you’re usin it to cut deep into your already thin perception
Honey you are beautiful
Don’t listen to the curves okay but not in this way
Who are you to say what is or isn’t okay?
Last time I checked no matter thick or thin the blood that runs through these veins is still passion
And the words that come from one thin, one plump lips still matter

So I will do my best to shatter every misconception that you and i need to be better
Perfection does not have to mean conceit
It can just be comfort
Comfort in the skin I’m in
Because not only dust and mans ribs make this woman
But a heart for children
a mind for theatre
And everything else for Christ

So judge me
Mental snip cut and tuck whatever you please
But this is me
Take me
Or leave me
I’m a lioness and still will I roar
Still, will we roar

oh hey its bloggin time.

I have a tumblr.
but i realized thats not really a blogging site where my thoughts &blurbs can just spill all over this place.
so i'll give it a try.


I shall first start with my poetry.
here we go.