Too much, too fast

feel free to read while listening to....

http://youtu.be/dx7sLNyIeQk

I thought, I saw you today
My heart did flips like balance beam tricks
And then it dropped to my toes
My hands started to sweat
And my head felt as though it was being squeezed like Florida oranges
Then, I realized
I haven’t forgiven you but sometimes I miss you
And I hate them both
Walking contradiction

I wish I didn’t give so much of my heart to you
You weren’t ready
And I wasn’t ready to give it
But in the heat of the moments
That played so sweetly and real
I let everything go

I would blame myself for all of this
But it’s only partially the result of my own destruction
I thought that this was different
And from the beginning I knew you were different
I just didn’t know it would be in regards to how we’d end up

Too much, too fast

So many words of wisdom
So many whispers telling me to turn away
But I couldn’t
My heart wouldn’t let me
My soul wouldn’t have it
You wouldn’t allow it
And at times I felt incomplete anyway
Without your goodnight texts
Or our random conversations
Viewed from two different sides of the world
And your smile
The boyish smile that became the sun to my sky
They call it sappy, but only a handful know
That’s how it really feels

Emotional roller coaster at its highest extreme
Turning tables back and forth because we were never on the same page to begin with
Just in the same book

And I thought by now,
It wouldn’t hurt
That tears would not fall when I wrote about it
Or looked at pictures
Of that way you would look at me
Even though sometimes I wasn’t aware
Poetry put to garage band beats
And voice mails made into ringtones

Too much, too fast
On repeat, Turning Tables as my anthem
Even though it’s all too late because I’ve already gave it to you
And I know that instead the worst of it all created the best of me

See, The misconception is that the physical aspects of a relationship is the glue
But it’s just that, a misconception
You can give yourself completely and totally to a person
Emotionally
Mentally
Almost spiritually
And that can be what breaks you

Not one kissed exchanged
Barely touching fingertips and yet it feels as though an entire hole was cut out of my red and fleshy heart
Now I can feel when wind runs through
And tears fall from it

Too much, too fast

Adele sings the open wounds into slow healing
But the bitter memories of once was still haunts me
It lies with me as my lights turn off and my day has ended
It follows me as I walk through high school hallways
And it stains in the depths of my insides

It was just Too much, too fast
And instead of blinded by my own yearning for something different
I just cant
And I won't let you close enough to hurt me

Because I just cant go through that again
My entire being churned and pressed like the very breath had been knocked from inside of me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

So when my heart flips like acrobatics on balancing beams
My hands won’t sweat because


Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet