Womens Day is always my favorite day.

Training for Rez Life is probably one of my favorite things about summer.
Its not just about sitting in a classroom and attempting to learn how to take enough notes that will help you be a better RA, its about real life situations, learning who we are as individuals, as believers and student leaders. One of my personal favorite days is Women's Day (there's also Men's day but that's somewhat of a big ol' secret to me considering I'm not a man :). On this day the men and women of Rez life are split up and get the opportunity to rest in the homes of those who open their doors to a group of young people. It is one of the most refreshing, encouraging, and spiritually uplifting days that I experience.

This year, the theme for Women's Day was focused on being sculpted from the painful and uncomfortable experiences that we have in life. Cara Jones, the RD of Shire East sent me this overall idea for what she envisioned for that day, "The idea is that even in the midst of our suffering, or our challenges, or our discomfort, the Lord is using that to transform us to look more like Christ. This could encompass actual persecution for our faith and even small things like holding firm to our faith while we are lied to about our self worth, our body image, etc. " 
So this is what I used to write the piece for Women's Day to share with the ladies I am blessed to work alongside. 
I wrote it to the song: "You know me" By Bethel Music - http://youtu.be/cVVlMQved8k feel free to listen to it as you read. I don't usually name my poems so here it is; 

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory”

I find myself wondering how Gods hands moved when he created Eve

Did he get cramps in his fingertips as he pressed into each side of her to create her womanly curve?

Did his hands grow tired as he formed her face, every freckle and every mole?

As he shaped her nose into the perfect point with just a hint of roundness

Did he want her to be as majestic as he was, but with just a touch of humble attributes?

Did he think of any of this when he thought of creating me?

Was I made with just the amount of hand cramps and creative discomfort that artists feel in their palms

There is something that fascinates us about painful things that create something breathtakingly beautiful

Like giving birth

Its one of woman’s greatest pains and yet simultaneously the greatest blessing

It is both suffering and tribulation

We are drawn to broken things that are given the chance to redeem their beautiful that has been hidden for too long

We connect to them because they are us

Broken and suffering beings constantly searching for our beautiful underneath flaws, imperfections, heartbreak and anguish

We are willing to suffer for the sake of being beautiful underneath the saltwater tears

I am reminded of how beautiful life is

When I think back to the moment where my hero, my best friend, the woman who birthed me fell and hit her head on a window ceil

He was in the hospital for two hours and I had no idea what they were doing to her or what her condition was

I contemplated the absolute worst and sat squirming in uncomfortable hospital chairs brainstorming ideas for my own suicide

Simmering in the idea that if I had lost her nothing beautiful would come of it therefore there would be no reason for living

I understood in that moment what it meant to suffer for the sake of others

Not being able to control a heartache that doesn’t even belong to you

The stretching of personal growth that ultimately makes you stronger

I have experienced what loneliness feels like when it sits around you like warm bathwater

I have spent countless nights crying tears of just wanting to be wanted

No bible verse or worship song has soothed a heart that always feels as if it’s shattering like unstable pieces of broken glass

We as women never forget our heartbreaks, even though our souls no longer long for the ones who broke them

We remember every sad song we listened to and the way we cried on our bedroom floors for hours

We never realized that he was just making it a little bit stronger for the person we would give all of our love to and deserve it

We are artists of our suffering

Using every uncomfortable experience and letting it mold us into the women we have always been meant to be

Michelangelo is famous for his sculpted form of David

It is said that he used a stone that no other artist wanted

He used the one that was considered worthless, incapable of contributing to any type of masterpiece

But he chiseled away at the stone until it turned into one of his most well known pieces

He worked away at every part of that stone that did not contribute to his vision

We are Michelangelo’s David to Gods Creation story

A slab of stone that everyone has tossed away and deemed unworthy

We are evidence of Christ’s Chiseling

Stripping us of everything that is not who we were meant to be

We are beauty from pain

A creation made new and flawless

I have shifted uncomfortably in my own skin for the past twenty-one years

I have tried to shed myself from unwanted attributes that have always been necessary and apart of my masterpiece

I have attempted to chisel away at my imperfections and turn them into flawless magazine type desires

But at the same time God is shaping me into his own creation

Chiseling and molding the parts of me that are necessary

And I am learning not to shift and sway uncomfortably

But sit and rest is his shaping

Shauna Neiquist has said

“I believe that suffering is part of the narrative, and that nothing really good gets built when everything's easy.”

We don’t always want easy

But then we don’t want hard either

We want something that in the end we know that it will be worth it

We want uncomfortable because our quiet prayers are hopeful that it will turn into beautiful

We want heartbreak and hurt because it will give us what we need to know a heart full of joy

We want suffering because we know it is necessary for healing

We want gritty and ugly because their will always be something worth treasuring in there somewhere

We cannot be a gender of only happily ever afters because we’ll never learn anything

Every experience

Heartache

Anguish

Joy

Perseverance

Stretching and uncomfortable occurrence is necessary

Because we are chiseled and transformed into the masterpieces that Christ has seen in us since the day we were allowed to breath for the first time

We are not magazine fantasies or desires because our very being is not something people can just Photoshop

Our hearts are not just soft tissue; it is a battleground and a resting place

We are transformations of unlovely into lovely

Beauty from pain

An image of sculpted perfection

“We, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Had the opportunity to be a guest blogger, check it out here:

anchorsnoceans.tumblr.com run by the beautiful Teniola Komolafe !

Walkabout 2013. Right here. Right now.

Before leaving for walkabout, our RD gave us the option to leave our computers in his mod and when I turned it on for the first time in ten days, my spotify was still up. The song "Have your way" by Britt Nicole (if you haven't heard it here's the link, I would love for you to be able to check it out either before or after reading) was sitting in its little advertisement square in the corner.
I think its safe to say that just by re-listening to this song I realized where my mind was the very night before walkabout. Nervous, anxious, unsure, doubtful, full of angst, and worried yet at the same time the words "Redeeming" and "Redemption" kept ringing in my head over and over again giving me a sense of peace that was not coming from my frantic mind.
This year I was placed on the all girls  female Walkabout team and the moment I heard my name, my stomach dropped and I denied that it was even my name that was just called with a list of other female sounding names.
I think that's what doubting God physically feels like, the uncomfortable depth of a stomach drop. 
That moment where everything mental and physical takes over and you completely ignore the slowly yet rapidly approaching spiritual storm that is about to blow your mind. In that moment when my stomach dropped, God ignored my nervousness and doubts and immediately started moving the moment all twelve of my teammates approached one another for the first time. It was very clear what we were all thinking,"We don't want to be here." And strangely this uncomfortable understanding is what started as the foundation for the solid team that we became by the end of those ten days.

The morning we left for Walkabout I woke up with the worst sore throat I think I have ever experienced. It hurt so badly that talking was completely out of the question, this was my state of being for about the first five days. It was agonizing, here I was more mentally prepared for walkabout and less full of fear, excited to get to know the women I was surrounded by and all I could do was listen.
This was lesson one for me during this trip. From the very beginning God put me in a place where I was called to be in a position of listening. This is ironic for numerous reasons; for one, I love to talk and secondly, I was a returner! How could I not talk?! I knew so much! I had one year of this under my belt, and I was so ready to give pieces of my experience to whomever asked. But that was not where I was supposed to be for those first couple of days, I was supposed to listen to every conversation I couldn't be apart of, listen to every fear that was whispered and pick up the little attributes that were said of who each woman was.
This time of listening probably consumed the first five days of this trip, but after almost thirty-six hours of sleeping during our 48 hours of solo I was good to go. But there was a constant whisper in the back of my mind for the rest of the trip, continue to be in a place where you can lead just by listening.

I  could not possibly begin to describe every conversation that happened, I could not describe every really good and stretching moment, but what I can say is that though I was nervous about the whole all women's team, God showed up through my nervousness. He put himself in each one of those ladies and I was able to see more and more of who he was through them. I was reminded how much I love when a group of women know how to come together, set aside our differences and comparisons and just love and encourage one another. How often do we as women forget that we know exactly what each other needs to hear? We know where our fears and insecurities are pin-pointed and that should be all the reason why we do everything we can to lift one another up in a way that only we as women understand how!
But we are fallen and broken people and therefore are not so great at doing this, we struggle and we bicker a bit and continually find ourselves comparing and figuring out ways that we don't measure up. When we all return back to campus, we have dinner with our teams later that evening. When we all met up again that evening, I sadly found myself looking at my now showered and all dolled up teammates in comparison. How pretty their dress was, how great their legs looked in heels, how nicely done their makeup was and a lot of negative thoughts flooded towards my own appearance. I had to stop myself in that moment and be reminded that NO, this is NOT what this is about. I had to remind myself that these were the same women that just hours before had dirt crusted under their glitter nails, the same women that I had been challenged by and hiked with. I had to acknowledge that yes, they are beautiful but they are the same real and genuine women that I spent ten days in the wilderness with, the same women who constantly reminded me of my own beauty that I really hesitate to see sometimes.
Friends, in just moments the enemy will be quick to bring us down, he will not hesitate to take a moment that was meant to be treasured and turn it into a huge dump fest. We are in every way capable of stopping in these moments and turning it around so that our God is glorified and the center yet again.

Team Swift was just what I needed for this trip. When I thought I had no room left in my heart, they showed up and squeezed themselves into their own little corner and its there that they will remain.

As the trip came to a close, and all the RAs found themselves back together again there is one final thing that we must accomplish. For each person it looks a little differently as to why we are doing it but its that last declaration of "I've made it this far, I can go a little further because of....(insert the people who have impacted you so much that you're pretty much willing to go great distances for)." There are three marks for this final journey, there is a three, six and nine mark. I did the three last year and it was great, I felt accomplished and ran for my family and the hall of girls I was training for. I told myself I would do the six just to feel accomplished for this year, that was until someone very special came to me and asked me, "Are you doing the nine?" She then preceded to say, "I'll be at the top if you decide to...just so you know. This is your year." I made it to the sixth mark and the encouraging RDs/ARDs at that station asked if I was turning back around, I told them I didn't think so and kept going up to the ninth mark. What was happening? My mindset wasn't ready for nine! Where the heck did I think I was going?! 
I am an over analyzer... I like to really process and think through things. Even though I knew that there was someone I really care for and respect at the top of that mark, I also kept thinking to myself, "What if Christ himself was at the end?" "What if he was waiting there with his arms wide open and maybe even a nice cold ice water in his hand too?" What if he sat there anxiously waiting for us to go that extra stretch for him. I realized that I wanted more. That I so desperately wanted more and more of Christ, that my determination though lack of physical strength kept me going because at the end of it, it meant more of Christ and everything in me yearned for that.
When I got close to the end, I noticed someone coming towards me in a cute little blue athletic skirt. It was one of my walkabout guides and she approached me with a sassy, "Hey Rockstar", I laughed and my abs ached. She asked me who I was doing it for and that she didn't know I was planning on doing the nine, I told her neither did I. When we continued on, two people I didn't know approached us. They asked my name and who I was persevering for, I told them their were groups of light houses in my life who have shaped me into who I am and that it was for them. One of the guys asked if he could pray for me and right there, in the midst of speed walking he did.
What. was. happening. 
Side-note: If you want some encouragement, and not just nice words to boost your ego but really heart tapping, spiritually uplifting encouragement...find an RA. This years group of RAs are already some of the most self-less, willing to love at all cost type of people I've ever known. They are willing to stop and pray for you in the midst of anything, our faith needs more simple moments like that.
After I finished, my teammates ran towards me being the awesome uplifting, encouragers that they are, we embraced each other smelly and now sweaty in awe of our accomplishments as a team.
What a beautiful moment.

There is a closing commencement for us as RAs before we officially leave the mountaintop.
When our president gives us these little tokens of wisdom to keep in our pockets for the rest of the year, and we acknowledge the people in our lives who have allowed us to be the leaders we are today.
Its basically really emotional, at least for me. Having words poured into you by people you honestly haven't even met yet, and from people who have watched you struggle and wrestle with yourself and who you are, the people who have wiped away your tears and embraced you as snot flung out of your nostrils. Its in this moment where we as RAs receive a full cup that we honestly don't deserve, its where we are humbled and realize how unworthy we are yet God tells us we are worthy.

If I were to sum up these ten days in just a few words I would say:
Exhausting, Overwhelming, Redeeming, Challenging, Uplifting and so very worth it.

Walkabout 2013 was a blessing to say the very least, it was necessary for exactly where I am right now. I have so many tokens of wisdom and encouragement in my pockets and I pray that I don't forget any of them.
Maybe I'm still in that really emotional "moment after", where you can still hear God just as clearly as you did when you listened for 48 hours during solo, but I don't want to lose this "euphoria", this really intense and intentional God moment because he is moving and we get to be apart of it.

As Charlie Moore the director of Rezlife beautifully stated, 

"It's not a what now moment, its a now God moment. 

It's about being present and showing up, its not about us."

It's not about us.
It's about the work HE is doing through us.
It's about the people we get the privilege to love and serve.
It's about being present. Right here. Right now.

The start of Life together.

I am currently sitting on my new living room floor in my mod.
I was in a packing flurry just moments ago just trying to get things organized. There is stuff everywhere, my OCD is kicking in full throttle and I am reminded that I've been up since 5am when I plopped down in slight exhaustion.
And then I just lied there, everything that happened today running through my mind like a really fast picture movie. Starting with waking up this morning, kissing my siblings and waking up the crazy ones who decided to join us on our hour and a half drive to Morgan Hill. To the prayer that was spoken over myself and a friend of mine , the conversations we had during the drive (before I knocked out), the welcome back dinner with all the RAs, and the first meeting with my new staff. At the end of it all, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and tears started to trickle from my face.
How in the world did I get this blessed?
Leaving home is hard, because my family is such a huge part of who I am and have such a prominent place in my heart.
Coming to APU makes it hurt a little less....because just as much as I am leaving goodness at home, I'm coming to goodness here at my second home.

I am entering into this year as a 2nd year Resident Advisor, which I've mentioned before is one of the biggest things that brings me so much life. I will be working with sophomores which I am super thrilled about because they're like freshman but with a year of experience under their belts, maybe even a little bit more excitement filling to their brims, and they're still fairly fun. I'm also excited because it gives me the chance to be around some of my girls from last year (separation issues to the max). I am excited to get to know each mod and learn about how their college journey has been, who they are as individuals and where they're going or want to go in life.
Also... I learned last year that each living area gives different opportunities to serve. In the dorms you are able to have that close, day-to-day living, that good morning and goodnight type of living. Its up close and personal but in the mods its a little bit more spread out. In the mods, there is an opportunity to serve through hospitality. You have a living room, a kitchen and the chance to be able to open your door and let fellowship and conversation while something is baking to happen. The materialistic side of me is way too excited to prepare a homemade meal and serve people in that way. Bring on the coffee and pancakes!

After my first meeting with my new staff , I am so excited to get to know each and every one of those individuals. They are already bringing me so much joy and let's be real.. sometimes you just connect with people instantly. You learn little things about them and your response is basically, "SHUT UP! ME TOO!" It's a good feeling to know that you can connect with someone. I have a whole group of people to connect with and I cannot wait to intentionally enter in those relationships. 

On Monday, we leave for our Ten Day Walkabout Journey. You know that ten day backpacking trip only crazy young people go on and don't shower or wear deodorant? Yeah that.
I was just meditating on how last year my emotional state was so drastically different. All last summer, my training was geared by a fear. A deep seeded fear that clouded my vision of seeing God and his plan for me in those mountains, a fear that I was incapable, physically built poorly and all wrong. I realize now that that fear was enemy planted. This year I was aware of that and did not (and won't let) negative thoughts about this trip cloud my thoughts or judgement. This year however, he's definitely attacking physically, I've had a sore throat  and feeling slightly fatigued for the past few days and have been downing Vitamin C and halls. My mother gave me a soft warning that when the enemy can't attack mentally, he'll go for the physical which is something I definitely don't need considering the fact that Walkabout is all physical. So friends, I am asking for specific prayers that I will be fully healthy mentally and physically for monday and for my team whoever they may be, that God would meet us as a group and individually in ways that we may not even realize we need. Please and thank you!

I do not know what this year will hold, and I wont until it's all said and done.
But God is moving already. He is shifting relationships and creating beautiful chemistry and orchestrating the story of this year. I can't wait to grow and stretch through it, to wrestle and settle with it all. I can't wait to live it. 

Can you tell I'm excited?