Thoughts...

There is a world of difference in a woman who thinks she is beautiful and one that does not. They are found in what they say and don't say, how they walk and the way that they love or cannot love.

And so the dreams begin...

Last night I had a dream that it was the first day all of my residents arrived.
I remember it vividly, which is rare because usually I remember my dreams in pieces, or moments.
This one was so random! I couldn't even really tell you what we did in the beginning because it was just weird! But what I can say was, there was a lot of laughter.... a lot of smiles and even more HUGS. They hugged me! Right off the bat! (Trying not to be too excited because well, this was just a dream)

Anyway,
In the end of the dream after chatting with them and hanging out, they ended up going their separate ways to their rooms and what not. But as I was going into my own room, a girl said hello to me... I said hello back and proceeded to my room.

I can't get that girls face out of my head, therefore I feel like this means something.
Maybe I'm over analyzing but maybe I'm not. I just know I still have that girls face in my mind right now and I got to thinking...
Was she my resident and I totally ignored her?
Was she someone else's resident and was being ignored by her?

I am somewhat of a believer that dreams mean things, especially if we remember them.
Crazy?
Nope. God spoke to the disciples and phrophets in the bible all the time.
He did it then, you can be that he most definitely does it now.
However, I am not sure what he's speaking to me in this dream or if he's speaking to me at all.

I do know that at the end of the dream all of the girls had placed something that was theirs or would remind me of them on my bed.
I remember my dream self smiling.
and then I woke up...still smiling :)

In my morning read I was going through 1 Corinthians and came across this passage....

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.  No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." 1 Corinthians 10:23/24

Not sure how the two connect or if they connect at all... But
I am excited to see what God reveals!

Reads.

I was given this book and just finished it !
While reading it I was truly reminded of her poem "Phenomenal Woman" she is indeed PHENOMENAL. She is head strong, embraces who she is as an African American woman, an artist, a person, an educator.

If I could get in contact with her I would love to have a conversation with her. This book is literally her heart in almost four hundred pages. She is witty, sassy and creative.

LOVED IT.

Thanks to my friend Hector!

Train rides are good for blogging.

MAN.

I truly had no idea that this past week that I experienced working with Royal Family Kids camp would be as amazing as it was.

This blog will not even come close to describing or explaining what or whom I encountered this week.

Royal Family kids camp is an organization that is connected to different churches ALL OVER THE WORLD. One of those churches is located in Pasadena and that is whom I volunteered with.

I thought this summer that I would have a car, making it easy to travel to and fro between Northern and Southern California. However, as some of you may know, that wasn't the case considering the fact that my car overheated over Spring Break and died (sad sad day) So maybe perhaps at that point I should of backed out not considering all of the money and time that would have go to into it... but did I ? Of course not.

And then the week leading up to leaving I got a lovely little throat virus and was basically in bed sick all week... and then Saturday came. I had booked my train/bus ride back to Socal the night before, packed my bags, emailed the director that I had just a little bit of a bug but was coming anyway.

My buddy counselor and I, Lizzie were hated sometimes and loved the other times. We were their best friends on some occasion and their enemies the next.

But one thing they knew was that regardless of if we told them no, or to quiet down our fabulous singing voices during lights out time, that we LOVED THEM.

All I knew was a name, two names actually. Two campers that would be mine for a week, to treat them as the princesses that they deserved to be treated as. Once they stepped off of the bus on Monday afternoon, I felt as though I was looking into the faces of my own children. 

During this camp the kids have a chance to swim, make crafts such as their own buttons and tie die, stuff pillows and make bug houses. They also get a chance to stand on a stage and share their talent with the rest of the camp. Our girls were not able to get costumes out of the dress up closet because it was locked and boy were they upset. One of my girls J, expressed her frustration at me and told me it was all my fault, and why can't I do anything right. It hurt and not just because I was getting yelled at by a nine year old but also because theses words she spewed at me were words that at one time were given to her. Ouch. But once the harsh words were finished, the girls were claiming they were embarrassed, that they would not go on stage because they didn’t have costumes and we hadn't practiced. So I got them up and outside and said lets practice now! They did, and then we prayed that we would do well, remember what we practiced and would know that whatever we do, that he would be smiling down on us anyway...and then one of my girls J adds "And who cares if we don’t have costumes!" all of the girls chimed in "Who cares Who cares! Amen."

 If you want to know what the face of God looks like, then look into the face of a beaming child after they received a standing ovation during a little, quickly put together talent show.

Their dimples were deep, their mouths spread wide, JOY spilled from every pore and I was so very proud of them that it brought me to tears while telling them so.

 Every year, Lake Avenue Church throws a birthday party for every child whether or not it really is their birthday. This year the birthday theme was a tea party, which was my favorite if I do say so myself! These little girls were able to dress up, drink out of their own butterfly handle teacup and dance around to Disney music. It was a beautiful beautiful site to see, their faces were more than excited they dance their little hearts out and held out their fancy pinkies proudly.

I have cried almost everyday this week… while praying for my girls and these children. Praying for their situation, seeing them smile and asking God why!? Why them?! Why any child? But he has said, "For He will rescue the poor who cry out and the afflicted who have no helper. He will have pity on the poor and helpless and save the lives of the poor. He will redeem them from oppression and violence for their lives are precious in His sight." Psalm 72:12

And during our staff debriefing one of my friends Rebecca shared this scripture that God had laid on her heart during the week in found in Jeremiah.

“This is what the Lord Almighty says…” Leave your orphans; I will protect their lives. Your widows too can trust in me." Jeremiah 49:11

He sent us these words a long long time ago and is the answer he continues to give. He is listening, even when we don’t necessarily see him doing the work he has already promised to accomplish.

I understand this was long, and for those who took the time to read it I thank you.

If I could sum up this week up in a poem... it would be this one;

“While walking on the beach one day,
I saw a Starfish by the score.

And everywhere I looked it seemed,
I saw a thousand more.

Then what to my surprise appeared?
A boy of nine or ten.

And as the Starfish washed ashore,
he threw them back again.

"One fish won't make a difference son;
You can't change this situation."

He stooped and picked up one more fish,
then looking right at me,

"I can make a difference for this one, sir"
and returned it to the sea.

So I went and gathered all my friends,
my brothers and my cousins.

We joined in with that little boy
and save Starfish by the dozens."

There're still many to be rescued -
many "Starfish" on life's shore.

And you can make a difference too...
by saving just one more."

By C.A. Milbrandt

EveryONE matters. Make each day count.

I deleted my twitter and I want to start blogging more...

I shall start... with a quote!

I adore quotes, I think words are important and sometimes we take them for granted.

Words have the ability to heal, to paint pictures, to scar, to encourage and to love. 

So here's to actually keeping up my blog!

“When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.” — John Lennon

Prompt: what makes you the happiest right now?

Not studying for finals because your friend has a story to tell you and you’ll probably remember that over how to say something in Spanish or the year that man who wrote that book and said those things that one time... died

Getting frozen yogurt and eating it outside

Letting the tease of summer dance with your topping combination

And warm evening weather

Being able to diminish the number of finals you have to take with each passing of yet another sleepless day

Engaging in conversations so good you wonder why they didn’t happen sooner

So that maybe it’d be easier to place them in your box of memories worth keeping

Smiles with no hello

Goodnights with last verbal I love yours

And eye contact that says more than our brains could even have the word capacity for

Friends who send you new music to listen to

Making April feel more exciting than Christmas time

Drinking venti iced coffees from Starbucks with my name spelled correctly and a smiley face

Planning surprise birthday parties and trying to imagine the possible reactions

The moments where the only movement around me is the rustling of trees leaves the breeze of nightfall, my steady breathing and a sigh, with a cup of peppermint tea steam reminding me its only my mind that’s congested

Meeting people I’ve seen all year but had never spoken to and feeling like they could be added to my list of soul friends

The Adele song I’ve never heard, one directions you don’t know you’re beautiful, and Boyfriend by Justin Bieber jams for days

Knowing that right at the end of this journey there is another one kissing the edge of it waiting for my footsteps on its path to be the ignition that starts it

Sleep with no alarm the next morning

The good things that are hard to say goodbye to and the better ones that one need a see ya later

Brian and his laugh, Alex and her hugs, TJ and the way he says my name, Erich and his eyes, Danielle and her joy, Nicole and her strength, Hector and his weird obsession with hyphy, Michael and his honesty, Danielle teammate and her swag, Monique and her determination, Jeffrey and his quiet wisdom

Poetry. The captive to my thoughts and freedom to my pen

People who like poetry, this unspoken song we all sing together with different bridges and stanzas that all fall into the same chorus

"You look so good!"

"You look so Good."

Those are pretty superficial words right?
Well for me I have not received those words as much as I have within the past couple of months.
And I promise I am not saying this in a bragging, or stuck up fashion.
For me these words play into not my pride, or my ego but my confidence, my worth, my self-esteem.
We all struggle with how we look, our different flaws we wish we could change, etc and sometimes the things we want to change isn’t even in our controltochange.
But what happens when it is?
I am making this declaration that between freshman year and now I have lost almost 40 pounds.
FORTY POUNDS!
I don’t necessarily know how, maybe it has to do with my recent like for running, or the fact that in college you have two options. Eat or sleep.
apparently I chose sleeping.
but what came out of that was the ability for me, to genuinely feel good in my own skin.
I am a HUGE believer that beauty is yes, ultimately on the inside.
what matters is your attitude, your heart, etc.
however this is hard when we are constantly surrounded by people who focus on the outside.
Does that mean we too have to focus on the outside?
heck no.
BE YOU.
be your own kind of beautiful whatever that means for you.
be comfortable in the skin you were created in.
love yourself.
when it comes down to it that’s all that matters
because your Creator already thinks you’re out of this world GORGEOUS.
:)