I am always slightly overwhelmed at the end of the year. I often sit somewhere, or go for a walk attempting to go back through all the events that took place, the memories, the people, the moments, the places, the conversations and you know just everything.
This year was definitely one of growth. I think each passing year gives us that small gift of growth whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual. Regardless of what form it takes, every year has growth, sometimes it's really hard and uncomfortable but it’s also inevitable and necessary.
This might be the very first blog where I don't have every word wanting to flow out of me anxious and ready to be out.
I'm sort of still reflecting even as I write this, so bare with me okay?
This year was comprised of lots of little moments and key moments, specific groups of people and situations. So from my best memory here they are;
The people
-
My
2013-2014 Shire Staff
I could
not have asked for a better group of individuals to work with throughout this
year. I can’t get too sappy because I still have another semester to be with
you, and my feelings could change… just kidding. I really do love all of you.
Yes, even you Brian.
Adam, you’re the best dad a staff could ask for. You were a great
surprise, thanks for being a rock star and for having a really great wife and
child who we’re all obsessed with (okay well maybe that’s just me).
-
My
Walkabout Team #Weouthere
Thank
you for reminding me how women can love one another in the ways that only we
know how to, Thank you for listening to my rants about beauty and my
insecurities. Thank you for putting up with my sickness and for loving me
unconditionally.
-
My
Imago Bay
HOLLA
FOR YOUR GIRLS…ALL OF THEM. I love you guys more than coffee, and you all know
how much I love coffee so this is saying a lot. Thank you for your
conversations that made late nights so worth it. Thank you for the laughter
that sometimes carried me into a whole new day to where I stupidly started
cracking up all over again class. Thank you for putting up and being
comfortable with my weirdness, and still loving me. Lauren, I can get sappy
with you because you’re all moved out now, but thank you for completing the
Imago Bay puzzle, we’re going to miss your feminist insight and fiery, sassy comments
in our conversations. I love you so
much, come visit. David I guess
you’re in this too ha! Thanks for being the addition to the Bay, conversations
and laughter with you have been just the right touch to our little abode.
-
The
constant foundation that is Chaili Trentham
You already know this but I’m going to say it anyway, I love you a
lot. Thank you for challenging me and for keeping me under your wing.
-
My
mentor, Kesha
Oh my gosh. I am so glad that I was intrigued by you enough, to
where I creepily felt compelled to request you as a mentor, tell you about it
and then have you actually agree. You inspire me so much; I needed,
appreciated, and valued every one of our dates. Thank you for creating with me,
and worshiping with me through art. I could perform next to your singing for
the rest of my life. I’m so excited for another semester with your guidance.
-
2013,
was the year where either friendships bloomed or were rekindled. I’m really
appreciative and thankful for all of them. Even if I didn’t mention you by
name, know that all my friendships play a huge part into each year. Being
lonely sucks, so thanks for being there.
The moments (also in whatever order that they come to me in)
-
Serving
as RA for a second year/ Surviving Walkabout a second time and thoroughly
enjoying it
-
Two
wonderful friends getting engaged/ asking me to be their
bridesmaids…(sarcastically/ sometimes genuinely I want to be the girl in 27
dresses)
-
My 22nd birthday, was hands down one of the most amazing birthday
I have had yet. Thank you for every person who made it so special, especially
my really awesome party planning, sneaky roommates. And also my even
sneakier family for visiting me the next weekend. I LOVE SURPRISES.
-
Speaking
in Chapel… wait what? Let’s be honest I am still processing this but what I do
know, is that there is no way that can be the last time. Though I was the most
nervous I have ever been … ever, it
was so fulfilling, and one of those moments where it just screamed purpose. Whatever that may mean!
-
Being
one step closer, to seeing my self the way my Creator sees me, to being able to
be comfortable in this flesh and bones, love myself and being able to share
that with people. That’s a freaking scary thing to do, one that I would not
normally be comfortable with, but he whispers in my ear consistently its not about you, its about what I can do
through you. Selah.
-
Passing
Neuroscience (yes, this is absolutely a memorable moment, Praise him from whom all blessings flow)
-
Lastly,
The passing of my Grandfather Marvin. This was really hard, and even writing
this I have to breath a little bit more just to keep my eyes from burning.
Death is a natural, sometimes tragic, heartbreaking, uncomfortable and
unfortunately necessary thing. It was unexpected and definitely not something I
thought I would be writing about in my end of the year reflections but I know
where he is, and I know he’s smiling down on my family and I every moment he
gets.
-
Is
there more? Probably. But just because this is my blog doesn’t mean I need to
bore you with all my 2013 moments. The ones listed, are more than enough.
Phew. That was an exhausting and
probably more emotional than it should have been reflection. And oh man, I am
grateful for all of it.Alright, so I don’t do new Years Resolutions. Who does? One reason I don’t is because; if I don’t write them down anywhere then I forget them. Secondly, I really like bagels and sweet coffee so any strict fitness resolutions besides just try to go to the gym until March just won’t stick. And Lastly, I think they constrict us from just being able to enjoy the blessing that is living a whole new year without having this huge “to-do” or “to-don’t-do” list surrounding it. Though I don’t have any resolutions, I do have goals for this year, and I think that’s a really healthy thing to do. Starting the year off with some type of goal or two is great because if you didn’t before, at least now you can pretend to answer the question about what type of things you hope to do in the coming year.
My 2014 Goals
1.
Graduate College
(This
has to happen sometime in 2014, because I just can’t do that whole super SUPER Senior thing. May is out of
the option, July is looking pretty bright, but there is a chance I could be at
APU till December and after much self-counseling and nights eating crushed
cookies in an ice cream carton…I’m accepting this.)
2.
Apply to Grad school
(Let’s
be honest, I don’t plan on leaving APU anytime soon)
3.
Put together/ Publish two Poetry books
4.
Write my Pastors Daughter book
5.
Establish a life in Southern California
6.
Have a car before the year is over
7.
Go somewhere (maybe two places) I haven’t been
before
(I’m
thinking start small, like San Diego?)
So, my family has this somewhat of a tradition, where every year for a few days after Christmas, we drive to a resort in Oregon and sort of hide away for a few days. We are here until a day or so after New Years, but where the magic happens is the evening of New Years. We watch the countdown on television like the rest of the world, but before it counts all the way down, my Dad starts to pray. My mom usually follows after him or ends and my sisters and I (sometimes Zion too) fill the spaces in the middle. And then, after we finish, the ball has dropped, we turn the T.V volume back up to hear the celebratory music and pass around the sparking cider bottles. It’s a special little moment that I sometimes take for granted because I get on Instagram and Facebook and see all my friends dressed up and out with people. But I get the opportunity to pray in the New Year with the very people who are constant throughout it.
This praying in the New Year always seems to set the tone just right for whatever it is we may go into.
I love the start of a New Year because its essentially feels
the way a new journal or planner looks. I just think of so many pages, empty and
waiting to be filled or scribbled on, maybe have to white out a few things. Those
empty pages are ready for stories, for tears to stain them and exclamation
points to tear their pages a little bit. New years are ready to be lived,
whatever that may mean.
But I am excited to see another year, one where I pray that God is overwhelmingly present; a year I hope is filled with art and things that really gets my heart beating abnormally. A year filled with new friendships, encounters, experiences and life lessons. I’m learning that I could try to plan this year down to every possible detail, but then God will probably be like "LOL stop." And so I wont.
Lord fill this year,
with all that you have intended.
I can’t wait to experience it.
Beautifully written. :-) :-)
ReplyDelete