Seasons always pass. Here is my heart right now!

I told my mom that I was lonely,
She told me it happens, that a lot of people around me around me are in relationships so it makes sense.

but I told her no, that I wasn't supposed to feel this way, that I was Miss Independent and I was supposed to be that way forever.

She told me, that I wasn't made to be that way.

well shoot!

Whenever these feelings, occur I always remember when she told me that leadership & ministry are just sometimes lonely callings.. even with spouses.

ouch.

Still not sure how to take that.

I'm hoping this season of loneliness will pass soon, usually they do but man oh man this one? this one has been lingering for awhile.

I think I would consider ( at least for me) that loneliness is a weakness of mine, that affects me mentally and specifically spiritually. I also think the enemy has come to this realization as well, and so he is attacking at full force.
Ultimately....I think it affects me so much because it results back to one of my biggest flaws, which is not feeling enough, pretty enough, smart enough, you name it...I'm getting better with that, I'm starting to feel good in this skin I was created in ultimately turning these feelings of not being enough, into a healthy knowledge in the fact that I, am not adequate.
Adequate as in God is using me as a vessel in enhancing his kingdom.
what the what?! No one should be given that privilege... but we all are. And I have dedicated my life to being the most efficient, sacrificial tool possible.

So I've decided I need to do something in the midst of this season ....
Firstly, to be more in the Word, which is always something to improve on.

Secondly, Fast every Tuesday. Keep myself grounded in the week just spiritually...fasting is a good way to do that, because I can use the time I don't eat to journal & pray...Using it also a time to be praying for the girls on my hall next year, praying that God will just use me completely to touch whomever they are, in whatever way they need to be spoken too, relieved from, etc.

I'm excited...

whenever these lonely seasons occur Gods always like "Here's a leadership position" love all these people. Feed My Sheep.

okay Lord. Okay.

well there it is for now,
my vulnerable exposed blog.
much love!