Saturday, November 19, 2011

I will wait (not really complete just some ramblings) May 2011

The thought of intimacy terrifies me
The idea that someone else beside myself will see me at the most
Vulnerable point a person can reach
Makes my insides turn

Were talking heart on your sleeve
Take as you please or leave it
Because I myself couldn’t even touch it kind of thing
And I can say that these thoughts are flowing freely now that the emotional trigger has been pulled
Thus I hold myself closer because in my reality I am my own weapon holder
Thus I hold myself closer because in this reality I am my own worst enemy

See, I have this misconception that vulnerability is weakness but in sincerity
At its best it can be the most powerful strength
So, This is why I wait
Because I can depend on my God when it feelings like i'm falling
Stronger than kryptonite and my hopeless romantic view of a superman cartoon
He is the great I am
On him I stand

I place this vulnerability to rest in his arms protected from my own nuclear bombs
So in him these fears of intimacy lay until the day
He allows me to give a piece or all of this heart away
To the man after his own heart
And though it may seem that really this silver band on this ring finger is a sign for security
This is a promise my heart and soul have made
With the validation of the most high king
Because I refuse to keep placing my heart in the hands of a man who doesn’t know a weed from a rose
I will not keep placing valuable memories in the minds of the ones who despise my God
No longer will I dream of kissing lips that quote their own lyrics instead of scripture
So I will wait
For the man who holds me but holds his Jesus Closer
I will wait for my night sporting the shining armor of Christ
I will wait

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